Lately I've been experiencing what I call "new mom anxiety." I didn't really consider myself an anxious person until I had Ila and started worrying about everything that could possibly happen to her. Especially in the early months when this new LOVE is so intense, the fear of losing her could also get intense. I'm pretty sure I didn't let anyone hold Ila without sitting down, practically hosed people down with antibacterial spray as they entered the house, and didn't let anyone watch her for at least 11 months. OH, and the thought of balconies made me shudder. (I know at least a couple of you moms can relate!)
It got better over time, but man, becoming a parent is a big deal and a big responsibility and I surely couldn't do it without God's help. Like for reals.
While I'm a million times more laid back the second time around with Susannah, the anxiety is starting to creep in again. Thankfully, the scenes I play out in my head are so ridiculous it's pretty easy to recognize. No, Ila's hand isn't going to get whacked off if she playfully feels the wind outside the car window. And I'm pretty sure no one is going to walk in the house and take Susannah when I'm not looking. (Though there are some weirdos around here).
But it just goes to show how powerful this love is for one's child, and what brings me peace is knowing that God loves them even more than I do. I can find rest in remembering that, while it's my job to do my very best to love and protect these girls, I am not in control and I'm not supposed to be. What's more important is that I trust the Lord and ask Him to equip me to be the parent He wants me to be. Thank the Lord we don't have to do this thing called life on our own! I need all the help I can get.
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
-Psalm 62:5
It got better over time, but man, becoming a parent is a big deal and a big responsibility and I surely couldn't do it without God's help. Like for reals.
While I'm a million times more laid back the second time around with Susannah, the anxiety is starting to creep in again. Thankfully, the scenes I play out in my head are so ridiculous it's pretty easy to recognize. No, Ila's hand isn't going to get whacked off if she playfully feels the wind outside the car window. And I'm pretty sure no one is going to walk in the house and take Susannah when I'm not looking. (Though there are some weirdos around here).
But it just goes to show how powerful this love is for one's child, and what brings me peace is knowing that God loves them even more than I do. I can find rest in remembering that, while it's my job to do my very best to love and protect these girls, I am not in control and I'm not supposed to be. What's more important is that I trust the Lord and ask Him to equip me to be the parent He wants me to be. Thank the Lord we don't have to do this thing called life on our own! I need all the help I can get.
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
my hope comes from him.
-Psalm 62:5
Thank you kristinmoorephoto for these amazing shots!
I could probably have written this...I am totally there with you! Esp with the unrealisic scenes I play out!
ReplyDeleteCould you imagine having to be a mom without knowing the Lord? Sounds impossible to me!
Beautiful
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